Ahha! I knew it!
by ilfreitas
Summary: Since James found Sirius and Remus getting out of a broom closet, looking rather ravished, he knows they're dating,but why are they keeping it from him? James plans to make them tell him without having to ask...but it's harder than he thought Sirius/Remus
1. Proof Number 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number one: Both Came Out Of The Closet**

Ah, there you are! I've been waiting for you!

Let's start this quickly, then.

I'm sure you know who I am, James Potter, Quidditch legend, Marauder's leader, most handsome man alive and future husband of one Miss Lily Evans.

Why are you here, you ask? Wasn't my note explicit enough?

…you have no idea…?

You're here to help me with my quest. Yes, majestic people like me don't need help in quests – except in this one. I made a major discovery and I need a witness to prove it.

So let me explain…

I started to notice something wasn't very…platonic between Sirius and Remus when one day I had been looking for my best friend to tell him this amazing prank I was planning – really amazing, I tell you, it would beat our last record and Slytherins wouldn't know what hit them when the food star- oh, right, back to the point – so I used the Marauder's Map and turned out he was in a cupboard with Remus.

I ran there and opened the cupboard, wondering how long had they been trapped inside.

Sirius and Remus were inside, pressed up against each other!

"…"

"Prongs!" Sirius had grinned and got out of the closet "Thanks, mate, didn't know for how long we'd to be in there!"

Then Remus also came out.

"What were you doing in there?" I asked, with a look that screamed for honesty. I'm really good at looks – and everything else, really.

"Snogging each other. No, really, what were you thinking?" Sirius rolled his eyes "Filch was after us."

"Sirius put some dungbombs in his office." Remus said in that quiet tone he always uses when he doesn't really approve something.

"Then why didn't you get out when he was gone?"

"It didn't open from the inside."

"Why do you look out of breath? And blushing? And why are your hairs all messed up?" really, wouldn't you wonder the same?

"My hair's messed up?" Sirius started to comb his hair, the great sissy, with his hand.

"We were _running_, James." Remus answered.

"Oh. ...why is your shirt opened?"

"Oh," Remus blushed. _Blushed_. "Well... Sirius pushed me inside the closet by my shirt. I guess some buttons must have jumped out." He kneeled inside the cupboard "Look, one of them."

You have no idea, I could only stare as one of my best friends whined about his hair and the other collected buttons on the floor.

Oh, but that's not all! The answers they gave me explained quite well what had happened and I would have let it go if not for what I heard that night, after taking a shower, right before I opened the door to our dorm.

"That was a close one."

"Yeah, we need to be more careful next time."

"Indeed. He almost caught us there."

"I just hope he doesn't..."

"I know. ...Perhaps we should tell him. It would make things easier."

"No! We don't know how will he react once he knows that we..."

I decided I should enter in that moment, I couldn't really just stand there, and made sure to make a lot of noise while opening the door to warn them.

Sirius and Remus were sitting on the former's bed.

And Sirius was like "Took you long enough, Prongs. I was afraid you would drown."

Pff, as if I would ever die like that.

When we went to bed I started to think about what had happened and...I reached some conclusions.

Sirius and Remus are secret lovers.

But why wouldn't they tell me? I'm their best friend, right? It's not like I would be disgusted nor anything! I love them! ...don't look at me like that, what I feel for them is called _bromance_.

So I decided that if they didn't want to tell me I would make them want to. That or catch them on the act.

...

Not _that_ act! I meant snogging! I don't want to see them shagging each other! _Merlin_...

00

AN: oh yeah, posting two simus fics at once, I'm probably crazy, but...meh.

What do you think of this one?


	2. Proof Number 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number two: They're Always Lovey-Dovey-Touchey**

From them I started to notice the way they acted around each other was different from everybody else.

When we were all in the common room, Sirius and Remus always sat together, no matter what, even if sometimes it meant one of them sitting practically on the other's lap.

Sometimes Sirius would even lay on one of the couches using Remus's lap as a pillow and in those times Remus would play with Sirius's hair.

In fact, now that I think about it, it wasn't just _some_ times, but a lot of times.

They were always touching each other in every possible moment. Sirius would grab Remus's hand to lead him the way to some class, Remus would take something out of Sirius's hair and leave his hand in it longer than necessary, their hands and arms and shoulders and legs or whatever part of the body they had closer to each other at the moment would always brush against each other while eating, walking or in classes.

Sirius was always the first to visit Remus after the full moon and always tried to make him comfortable, more alert than Pomfrey.

Remus was the one who always sat, put an arm around Sirius's shoulder, when he got a letter from his family or was moody, and waited until he told him what was the problem.

Sure, people say you never see James without Sirius, but the truth is that you never saw Padfoot without Moony.

Which leads us to another point, and it's such an obvious one, for McGonagall's kinkiest underwear!

Sirius animagus form is a _dog_. Not some other random animal like a sheep or an ant or a dolphin, but a bloody dog. Talk about canine affinitive!

So, do you see why I need you?

If I find out and tell what I know,..well, I have a certain reputation, so people would just think it's another prank, a joke.

But if I had a witness, someone who doesn't hang out with the Marauders, _you_, they'll know it's true.

Oh, why am I doing this?

It's not...it's not that I want to tell everyone if they want it to be a secret, then I'll keep it secret too.

It's just...Well, I told you before, didn't I?

They're my best friends. Why didn't they tell me...? They know I can be trusted, right? That I don't mind that they're shagging each other unless they do it on my bed or I catch them on it?

Don't they know I accept them even if they're the greatest fairies on Earth?

...Don't give me that pity look, we'll make them spilling out they guts soon enough.


	3. Proof Number 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number three: James Potter Knows They're Dating, Therefore They **_**Are**_** Dating**

Now, before we begin, I need to sure you're in.

There are things about the Marauders that you will learn that either you'll swear to keep secret or I'll Obliviate you. We have our share of secrets and we'd like them to be kept in that way. Secret.

Are you still in?

Great!

Now, you're going to miss most of your classes, because you'll be following me around. You'll have to go to mine's anyways, so no problem with that.

You're sure you don't want to give up?

I knew I made the right choice with you!

Now this – damn, where is it – this is one of the secrets you'll have to keep.

Tcha-na~!

This, my new partner in crime, is an Invisibility Cloak! It's been in my family for generations! Ace, isn't it?

I know, I know, I'm awesome.

Now you're going to put it on- wait, I almost forgot!

Get a bit closer.

Wait! Don't go away! Just because I pulled out my wand doesn't mean I'm going to curse you!

I'm just casting a small spell on us.

It won't hurt, relax!

Come on, in three...two...one...

_Falar Pensamento! _

See? It didn't hurt!

And now we can talk to each other with actually talking – like reading each other's minds, but only when we want to share! It's a little spell Moony taught me.

_Now_ you get under my Cloak.

See? I'm talking to you without looking like I'm hearing voices and you can talk to me without making people wonder where your voice came from!

Alright, everything's ready!

So, do you have any questions?

Yes?

Well, that's too bad,, I'm not gonna answer then, we have to go!

'Cause we're ready!

We're more than ready for them, and we're gonna rule!

You'll see!

They'll feel sorry for the day they decide shag each other without asking permition of the great James Potter!


	4. Proof Number 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number four: If Padfoot turns down prank planning with James to just **_**talk**_** to Remus, then they better be shagging each other's brains out**

Alright, with that settled let's go back to my dorm.

...

...

Ah, this is rather boring, isn't it, just walking in silence?

No worries, I'll talk about myself!

So I was born on the 27 of March of 1960, my dad is Charlus Potter and my mom Dorea Black.

Yeah, I know, right? Black, as in Sirius Black, as in pureblood maniacs?

Well, actually my mom is Sirius' grandfather's sister, which it makes me some kind of Sirius' _uncle_.

What? No, it's not distant cousins- _ouch_!

"What your step, Potter!"

"A little warning before, Johnson!"

Damn! Did you just see that? He went against my shoulder on purpose! Hard! It hurts! ...a bit, I can take more than that. Way more, of course.

He _knows_ that's the arm I use for Quidditch!

Stupid Johnson, just because he got more points for our team than I did last game doesn't mean he's any better! Who cares that he got more 20 points that I? That just means he scored two more times than I did, it's no reason to get girls fawning over him, especially a certain red-haired-

"Hello, Potter. Password?"

Uh?

"Uh? Oh right. _Rumbleroar_."

Come on, get in, watch your step, you don't want to trip on a painting. The Fat Lady wouldn't be pleased if an invisible person tripped on her.

What time is it? Isn't the common room a bit empty? Where are Padfoot and Moony and-

"James!"

Ah, there's my little over excited fellow.

"Hey, Wormtail."

Yes, I wave at him, so what? See how he's almost pissing his pants over it? Let the man have some joy in his life.

Come on, let's sit on the couch with him.

"Where is everybody, Worms?"

Ah, see how happiness lights up his face as he realize I'm talking to _him_, even though there's no one in the common room?

I am so charitable.

"It's way pass curfew, Prongs! Everyone already went to bed."

Yes, yes, it's another way to say that he was waiting for me to come back, I know.

Ah, if only Lily acted like this towards me. Really, Peter would jump from a cliff if I said I wanted to see him doing something risky.

"Oh, so that's why the halls were so empty. Alright, thanks, Pete. I'm going up, you coming?"

It's so funny how he practically skips after me.

Ahah...

Oh, right, you have never been in our dorm, right?

So, that bed, the closest to the door, with a Gryffindor banner? Oh yeah, that's mine.

Next we have Sirius' bed. Don't mind the cigars spread across it, he's trying to quit smoking, especially since _Moony told him he didn't like the smell_. He said that with his werewolf senses he felt it much stronger than us, but I bet he said it just because it was a bad habit.

After Sirius' there's Remus' bed, obviously, since it's the farther away from the window and is so _neat_ and _organised_.

At last there's Peter's, but with all the crumbs from our kitchen trips I wouldn't sit on it - and even less _sleep_ – if I were you.

Oh, yeah, you'll sleep on the floor.

Hm, perhaps then Peter's bed would be better.

Nah, just kidding, I can't kick the rat out of his bed.

"..and then I guess I'd really like to visit some other place...I don't know, maybe..."

Aaand there's Moony and Padfoot, of course. Sitting on Remus' bed, with their legs crossed and leaning forward, closer than two friends usually are.

"Hello, my dears!" No, I didn't yell. I just greeted them really loudly.

"Hey, Prongs."

"How did it go?"

And they both turn to me, talking in such a _pleasant_ tone, as if they weren't bothered that Peter ad I just interrupted their time together...

"Did Evans catch you?" Sirius laughs.

"As a matter of fact..." quickly, help me come up with something "she didn't!"

Part of my brilliant plan to meet with you without them noticing something weird going on was that I told them I was going to stalk- er, I mean, look for – Lily.

Fools, they are, fools!

"So you were lucky this time. No wonder you don't seem hexed."

Ahah, Sirius, you're so funny.

"She doesn't _always_ hex me, you know."

"No," I knew I could count on Remus to stick with me! "sometimes she just yells and slaps you."

Ouch.

Damn, he's spending too much time with Sirius.

"Well, but she didn't! So there! Hey, Padfoot, with me back and all that, let's go plan that prank on Snivellus as we decided at lunch!"

Sorry, you'll have to sit on the floor, with me sitting in my bed and soon Padfoot joining me to plot there won't be space for-

"Sorry, Prongs, not now."

Wait, what?

"What?"

"I thought you were coming earlier. Me and Moony are in the middle of something."

"Moony and I, Pads."

Full stop. Do you see that? That _smile_ Sirius is giving Remus? And how Remus is _blushing_?

And how Sirius turned down a chance to plot against Snape to chit chat with Moony?

I swear, if I-

"Tomorrow, Prongs."

"I-If you want, James, I can plot with you!"

"It's okay, Worms, thanks. I'm kinda tired, actually. I think I'll just go to bed."

...

No, I'm not sulking!

You! Come on, sit with me in my bed, with the curtains closed they won't notice I'm not even lying down.

Just because Sirius is too busy, that doesn't mean I won't plot! I'll plot with you!

We need get a plan to figure out those two...

And I bet twenty galleons that if we look at Remus' bed in about three hours they'll still be both there. 


	5. Proof Number 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number five: If even Peter thinks they're dating, then they must be pretty obvious**

Wake up!

...Hey!

WAKE UP!

Ahah, wow, I just yelled at you in my mind.

Now, seriously, wake up!

Alleluia!

Everyone already left the dorms, you know! Well, not us nor Peter...which, in case you didn't notice, it means that Sirius and Remus went down to breakfast without us.

They went to eat.

Together.

ALONE.

...yes, I know there are more people on the Great Hall, shut up.

But come on, get dressed and stop ogling me while I do it.

...hm...maybe I should write a poem to Evans...

AH, ready to go! You too? Good.

Come on, Peter's coming with us.

"Is he fucking Sirius?"

... Wait, was that Peter. Wormtail. My little fanboy.

"Who is what?" I have to make sure.

"Remus!" ah, there's Peter! What was he doing on the floor? And why does he sound so mad?

"You think so too?" Yes, a Marauder ally, whooo!

"What?" why is Peter looking so confused.

"Remus. Is fucking Sirius." I say.

"He has to be kidding!" Peter whined.

Hey, now, wait, pause. Okay, so it's good that Peter thinks so too, but it doesn't it sounds like he doesn't approve it? And _that_ is not good.

"What's the problem?"

"He ate my hidden stash of chocolate!"

..Oh.

_OH._

Okay, so Peter didn't say that Remus is fucking Sirius.

He ... he just asked if Remus is fucking serious.

Okay...

I shouldn't ... have rushed...into conclusions...

_Stop laughing at me!_


	6. Proof Number 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number six: What else could be Sirius be trying to hide from James?**

Okay, it's time to take some action, don't you think?

Nothing is going to happen if I just let things going their way.

And I, James Potter, am a man of action. A manly man of manliness, a Greek god-, no, an English God, designed to be set above the others, to have a perfectly sculptured body full of energy and a brilliant mind filled with perfect ideas and plans.

You see that, don't you? So you understand that I can't simply sit back and let them keep shagging each other as if I shouldn't know about it.

And that's why now, as McGonagall is going on about the essences of Transfiguration, is the perfect time to talk with Sirius.

And with a quick nudge, I should get his attention! Pay attention!

"Pads! _Pads!"_

"What?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"..Prongs, you're the one who called me."

...What is it with his tone. Is he patronising me? I don't like that tone.

"And I'm asking if there is anything you want to tell me."

"..No?"

"Something...that you have been keeping from me."

Ah! Saw that fidging? Do you see the way he's now tapping his fingers on the desk? He's so keeping something from me! _I knew it_.

"No." And, Merlin, even is tone of voice is doubtful.

"..Something...about you and...Remus?"

"Of course not!"

Good Godric, he's not even looking at me right now!

Ohoh, Sirius, I am _on_ to you.

_I know what you're doing._

_I watch you while you sleep_.

Not really, but I bet Remus does.

...

_I know Remus watches you while you sleep._

Eh, that's too long, it just doesn't work.

Time to keep insisting then!

"Maybe...you're..._mooning_ over someone..?"

Am I the king of subtly or what.

And..AH!

SEE THAT BLUSH? DO SEE HOW SIRIUS IS BLUSHING? QUICKLY, LOOK AT HIM!

AH!

There is no denying it now, Black!

"Don't be an idiot, Prongs," he tries to dismiss it, "not all of us have to be in love, or in stalker, as you are to Evans."

"It's not stalking! It's paying attention to things she's all about! I just like to know what she's doing! All the time!"

"That's stalking, Potter."

"It's love!" I say affronted, and with reason! How dare Sirius to doubt my true love for the fairest lady of them all? How dare him to say my admiration for her intelligence and grace and nice body, and red vivid hair and green eyes like no other, and the small freckles she has on her nose, or the slight frown of her eyebrow as she focus on cutting ingredients for potions, or the tone of voice that sends pleasant chills down my spine as she yells angrily at me or-

Ah! _ I know what you're doing, Padfoot, you sly dog!_

Trying to distract me with my love of my beautiful Evans, soon to be Potter, with her pretty smile and small hands and her mercy for all beings, even Slytherins, except for me, with her smartness and her courage and her intensity and-

Ah, doing it again, is he? Well, he's not distracting me like this now!

"Don't change the subject, Padfoot, we were talking about you."

"But I'm not a stalker."

"_Neither am I!_"

"Should I mention those pictures I found of her under your bed-"

"Okay, shutting up!"

...Don't ask.

Just... don't ask.

Those are just photos I have.

Nothing special.

... They're just..photos. Like all other photos.

You don't want to see them, anyway.

I mean... aha, look, class is ending! Time to go to Potions then, let's go!


	7. Proof Number 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number seven: They're going out **

I can't believe another whole day passed by, and I still don't had them admitting they're shagging each other.

What? Trying to make Remus talk instead?

Psh, my friend, if you're suggesting that, then you don't know Moony at all. Moony is the best at keeping secrets. It's like breathing for him.

If he doesn't want to say it, he won't.

So, if they're not saying anything, we're going to catch them!

But, hmm, how...?

"I'm going to the library."

Eh?

Oh, Moony's leaving the common room?

"Bring something from the kitchens when you return!" Wise words, Wormtail. Wise words.

Hm, if Sirius goes after him, maybe we could follow them...

We'll need the Map.

So, where did I put it... come on, help me find it...

"Hey, where's the Map?"

"Moony has it," and just how does Sirius know that?

"Oh...well.. alright then."

"I'll go get it."

Ah, see that? See Sirius getting up oh, so casually, to go after Moony? I bet they planned this so they could meet without Peter and I!

"Bring something from the kitchens when you return!" Wise words, Worm- wait.

"Pete, you're repeating yourself."

"I'll see you later, then"

"Bring food, Sirius!"

Okay, so he's gone now.

Ah!

Is this my chance to give my stalking- er, chasing...investigating! – skills another use than to stalk- ..observe...- Evans?

Come on, after them!

..Oh.

Wait.

They have the Map.

They'll know if I go after them, and they will make sure they're not caught, making the whole thing pointless.

Why, yes, I do have quite the brilliant mind, thank you, you don't need to say it.

But you can, of course.

Thank you, thank you.

So, what we need is to get the Map beforehand next time...

"..James?"

Hm? Damn it, Pete, I'm plotting!

"Yeah, Worms?"

"Can we go to the kitchens? I'm hungry."

...wait...

Wait..!

Ah! I got it!

"Yes!"

Come on, let's go. I have a plan...


	8. Proof Number 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number eight: They're alone in the dorms often**

Okay, we've all been in the dorm for what, one hour?

I think it's time to put our plan into action, don't you?

"Merlin, I'm hungry," yes, quite the performer, aren't I? "Want to raid the kitchens with me, Pete?"

And of course Peter won't refuse "Yes!" Ah, just look how happy he is to be the one to accompany me.

Now, to casually grab the Map...success!

"We'll bring you two something," notice how Sirius and Remus avoid looking at each other? "Come on, Pete"

Careful with your step, don't bump against Peter as you go downstairs.

...Think we're far enough for them to hear us? Good.

"Hey, Wormtail."

Stop walking, we're not really leaving the common room.

"Yeah, Prongs?"

Ah, I just love how willing he is.

"Let's prank Sirius and Remus!"

"W-what?"

Ah, I should have expected that- oh, who am I kidding, I did expect that!

"Not really pranking, of course. More like...give them a lil' scare!"

He's not quite convinced yet...I just need a fiiiinal touch...

See the Master of Manipulation in action, you.

"So the two of us can have a little laugh at them."

DingDingDing! Ah, take a look at how excited he just got. He's almost wetting his pants.

Ah, Pete. You never fail on me, or waste a chance to grovel at the floor I walk.

See? That's why we keep him around. His eagerness to please is almost unbearable.

Nah, just kidding.

I can always bear worshiping and needing to please me.

"What are we going to do?"

"We're..." pause to look around and give him the feeling I'm sharing a secret with him "We're going to jump in when they least expect it, and charm their robes pink!"

This is the kind of prank we did back in our first year - ah, remember those days? Little innocent Marauders, did such silly little pranks like charming the Slytherins' robes to sparkle, or their food to try to eat them...ah, we knew so little back then!

But, back to my point: Peter, on normal circumstances, might realize this, and ask to do something more...advanced, but, with my intelligent talking, he's on fanboying mode. Also, it's not Slytherins, it's Moony and Padfoot! It's just a joke, not a prank.

"So when will we go?"

"We have the Map, Wormtail! We'll just stay here on the common room, and check the Map. Or, if they decide to see what is taking us so long, they won't expect us to charm them as soon as they step out of the dorm!"

"Wow, James! You're so smart!"

"I sure am, Peter."

Ah, brilliant, isn't it? This way I can see on the Map when they decide to snog since they're alone - ... hopefully not on _my_ bed – and then catch them at it!

I'm a genius!


	9. Proof Number 9

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number nine: They slept together**

"Can we go now?"

"..Just wait a bit longer, Peter.."

Okay, so wait, let me check again- .. yes, so Remus and Sirius have been on the same bed for almost an hour now.

"But, James..."

".. want to play wizard chess while we wait?"

"You..you want to play chess with me?"

"Sure!"

"O-Okay!"

Damn. If there is one thing Peter excels at – with the exception of worshiping me, of course – is wizard chess.

But I'm going to win obviously!

...I mean...

"Ah, now's the perfect time to prank them, Wormtail!"

"Really? But, I just set the game-"

"It's now or never, Peter! Don't you want to bond over this joke on them?"

"A-alright!"

"Let's go!"

What? No, I didn't just decide that so I wouldn't lose that game!

Do you really think I'd lose against Peter? Please.. I'd so win this game.

I'd show you, but.. too bad the perfect timing for catching them just coincidently fell on the moment we were going to play.

But...I can't control time. Pity that.

I guess you'll just have to take my word – and that's more than enough for most.

Want to see?

"Too bad we didn't have a chance to play... you were so going to lose, Wormtail!"

"What? Yeah-"

"Shh! We're too close to the door, they might hear us! Don't talk now, Pete!"

See? He said 'yes'. I would win.

Okay, silence now.

Just let me...slowly..and dramatically...open...the door...silently.

Done..now..peek inside...carefully...

Ah, shit.

"Forget it, Worms, they're sleeping."

Just look at that. And they're not even in a position I can call them off for! It looks like they fell asleep on Moony's bed while waiting for us!

Royal hippogriffs!

"What?"

Oh, Peter, you sound so disappointed... not as much as I am, but...

"...Well...we can still jinx them, can't we, Wormtail?"

"Can we?"

"Of course we can! Come on, I charm Padfoot and you Moony! On the count of three!"

"Okay!"

"One...two...three! _Roseo Pingit!_"

Ahaha, now their robes are as gay as them!

"Good job, Wormtail! Shall this night be remembered as the time we matched their robes with their personalities!"

"Hihi, they're having pink dreams!"

"Indeed they are, Peter, indeed they are."

But you know what? I'm tired of this.

I'm not going to keep trying to catch them at it – especially because it could wound my virgin-and-waiting-for-my-beloved-Lily-flower eyes.

Tomorrow I'm – _we're_ – going to confront them.

And they better not lie to me.


	10. Proof Number 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Ah-ha! I knew it!**

**Proof number ten: They admit it!**

Okay, now, this is it.

We're going to make them talk.

...As soon as Peter leaves.

"Hey, Pete! You know, I heard from a little house elf, that there would be buttered toast this breakfast!"

"Wh-what..?"

Learn your lesson: if there is one thing Peter loves almost as much as he loves me, it's toast. This is mighty power I am lending to you, so use it wisely...

"Toasty toast today for breakfast! A pity that at this rhythm, Padfoot is going to make you not get in time for them..." and add a fake sigh...

"Hey, I'm just brushing my hair!"

"You've been there for ten minutes, Pads," ah, have you been counting, Remus?

"And I shall be here for another hour if I need to!"

..Honestly, why did I ever think this guy was straight.

"But..toasts.."

Oh, Merlin, Peter looks like he's about to cry.

"Don't wait for us, Worms!" add a winning smile.. – well, all my smiles are winning – "We'll catch up to you! Don't miss those toasts!"

"Ah! Thank you, Prongs!"

"Just go, Wormtail!"

Ah, done.

My plans are always so perfect... now, close that door!

"...Padfoot, Moony, can I talk to you?"

..Moony is looking at me strangely – was he expecting this already? He's Moony, I bet he was.

"What is it?"

"Sirius, get off the bathroom for a moment!"

"Merlin, so need to sound so mad! Why crawled up your arse?"

Okay.. so it's a good thing Sirius finally got out of that bathroom, but I can't believe he just said that to me.

"I don't know, what's been up yours? Moony, do _you_ know?"

"..What?"

"James, what-"

"I know, okay! There's no need to pretend it's not true!"

"What is not true?"

Ah, pretending not to know! I'll throw the evidences on their faces!

"Don't patronise me! I'm your best friend, alright? You didn't think I wouldn't notice, did you? I caught you after you were snogging on a closet! You're always all over each other, and making eyes at each other and _you're both dogs_ and-"

"James, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I know you're in love with each other!"

...Okay, silence.

Although...phew, what a relief to let that out!

"And..well, it's just to let you guys know that I'm totally cool with it."

...

...

..They still won't say anything?

Fine!

Fine! Let them be like that, then!

Tsk, a friend worried about them and this is the treatment I get..?

Let's go. Close the door behind you.

Come on, let's go down to breakfast, if they don't want to say-

Wait.

They're going to talk about it, aren't they? To each other?

..._Right now?_

They have to, before they talk to me again!

I've changed my mind! We're not going to breakfast!

We're going to listen to them now. And then, we'll bust in when they have no chance in denying anything!

Come on, against the door now- I'll make space for you...here!

"..Padfoot..?"

Mehehehhe, I knew it!

"Yeah, Moony?"

"..Is what James said true?"

..wait, what.

"..Er..well..no- well. Hm."

"Because..er..if what he said you feel is true, then..hm..I.. he might just be right about me too."

"..Really?"

"..Pretty much, yeah."

...wait_..._

"...He was right about me."

"...He was right about me too."

..._wait..._

"..."

'_Thump!'_

What was that noise? Did something fall?

"S-Sirius.."

"Mm.."

Okay, that's it, busting in time, now!

Why is the door stuck? Okay, blasting it open in three, two, one...

.._My virgin eyes!_

_My virgin eyes!_

_They were waiting for my Lily-flower and now they're scarred!_

_For all eternity!_

_Nooooooooooooo!_

"Oh, Merlin, can you stop that now for a second!... Please stop snogging. ...Can I turn around now? Can I open my eyes again? I hope they're not bleeding."

"Yeah, you can." Don't sound so annoyed, Sirius, it's not your eyes that just got tainted with such a sight.

"Although I doubt you're bleeding from this, James."

"And what do you know, Remus? What would happen to your eyes if you caught me and Peter in a middle of an intense snog?"

..Oh, Merlin, _the image._

_Now my brain is scarred as well._

_Damn you, Marauders, damn you._

"...James..."

"Okay, turning around!" and peeking and...safe! "Alright." Slowly crossing my arms for intimidation purposes... "Now you can't deny you're going out!"

Ah, reactions this time! They're sharing some kind of look! Are they finally going to admit it?

"I guess we are."

"Yes, we are."

_Yeeeeeeess!_

"Aha! I knew it! Knew it for days, weeks, ah! _I knew it~~!_"

"...James? You kind of just interrupted the first time we kissed."

Whaaaat.

"No way, stop lying! You lying liars! I caught you two snogging before!"

"..No you didn't."

"I did! When you two were 'trapped' on a closet, 'hiding from Filch'."

"We _were_ hiding from Filch! We threw dungbombs in his office!"

"Oh yeah? Then why were you talking all secretly that night about me being almost catching you and that maybe you should tell me about it?"

Ah, got them there.

Honestly, why are they still trying to pretend?

...and they share another look.

"Well.."

"Should we tell him..?"

"..I think so."

"Just tell me already!" really, adding all this suspense!

"While we were at his office... we saw a letter there."

"Prongs..we found out that Filch is a squib."

"What?"

"That's what we were talking about. He almost caught us with the letter, and we were wondering if we should tell him we knew or not. Because he's not sure if we do."

"..Oh. But...but that was the whole reason I started to think you two were dating! Was I...was I..._wrong?_"

Oh God, the horror, the shame, I..

"We weren't dating.." don't rub salt on my wound, Remus! "But..you were right about the rest."

"..Eh?"

"..We've..we've been in love..with each other and... you were the ones who made us admit it. When you were yelling at us. Thank you."

"Yeah, thanks, mate. Try to be a bit less confusing next time, tho."

..so..I was right?

"Ah, it's alright! Nothing escapes the master detective James Potter!"

"Nothing except that we weren't really dating..."

"Shut up, Pads, let him have this victory."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you make me?"

"..Er, mates? Not in front of me?"

"..."

"..alright."

"Sooo," ah, now the important part "when are you planning to tell everyone? When we get down for breakfast?"

"...Actually, Prongs..we'd rather if no one knew. For now."

What?

"Not even Peter?"

"..Not even Peter."

"..Alright then. Well. Why don't you two ..enjoy your new found love and all that while I go to breakfast? I'll make up something to tell Peter."

"..Thanks, James."

Okay, then, we're leaving them.

_Come on,_ you're not staying here and spying on them...

Okay, careful downstairs...now be quiet while we leave the common room...

Out of the portrait and...stop.

Give me the Cloak.

Alright, this was fun while it lasted. You were a good side kick, I have to admit.

But... you heard them.

No one must know.

..It was good to know you tho.

I should have a cool punch line now, but you won't remember any of this anyway so...

_Obliviate._

000

AN: alright, folks, this is the end!

You know those stories that you know the beginning and the end, but have no idea what's going to happen in between? That was exactly how I started to write this and..it's over now. Also, this kind of pov..writing..whatever was something I'd wanted to try for a while.

If you managed to dodge James' spell (or not) feel free to say what you thought of it! :D


End file.
